Why I'm not celebrating Valentine's day

Why I'm not celebrating Valentine's day 

by Kristie Taylor 

Since I write about love for a living, you’d assume that Valentine’s Day is like my Christmas. And you wouldn’t be mistaken, had you asked me a few years ago.

But with Valentine’s Day less than two weeks away, I wanted to talk about why I decided not to celebrate the holiday and why it’s ok if you don’t want to either.

I used to live for February 14th. Whatever lucky guy I wrangled into dating me that year was adorned with Pinterest-worthy gifts I spent hours crafting. From homemade, heart-shaped cake pops to carefully constructed cards that oozed romance, I went balls to the walls for Valentine’s Day.

But each year, my efforts were met with lack-luster responses and sorely missed expectations. Try as I might, my love in the form of origami hearts never felt appreciated.

Rather than give up, I restrategized. Maybe I’d just enjoy the holiday for its simplicity. A nice candle-lit dinner; some beautiful flowers I’d post on Instagram.

As I started to take away the unwavering importance I associated with February 14th, I realized a few things about the holiday that I actually didn’t like.

I wasn’t jaded; I don’t want to trash the holiday. But I felt like Valentine’s Day simply didn’t sit well with me.

And there are a few reasons for such epiphany:

I don’t want my love to feel forced.

Spontaneity breathes life into a relationship. Going out to an expensive dinner because it’s what everyone else is doing feels disingenuous.

For me, I hate it when things feel contrived. A mass gathering of couples in eateries across the city feels way too conforming for my liking. The day is meant depicted to be a special moment for couples, but all I felt like was a sheep in a herd.

This year, my partner and I opted for another day to celebrate. Perhaps, our anniversary? Or maybe a bouquet of flowers on a random day in May?

I want to spend money on a reasonably priced meal.

Restaurants know what’s up on Valentine’s Day. They disguise their preset menus as “Lover’s Dinner” to jack up prices.

It’s silly to feel like you need to drop at least $100 to show someone you love that you indeed love them. It’s not fair to whoever is paying. Love does not equate to a lavish steak dinner.

Go to the same restaurant the day before or after; save a bit of money.

Or order in and enjoy things like privacy and comfort that generally isn’t afforded to those going on these pricey lovers dates.

Valentine’s Day decor/traditions make me cringe.

Coming from the girl that once googled “romantic Valentine’s Day crafts for my boyfriend,” this seems a bit disingenuous.

And it’s not so much that anything Valentine’s Day related is appalling. A hand-crafted card is pretty endearing, and I sure as hell hope the person you give it to appreciates every drop of glue and bits of red construction paper you used.

But it’s the kind of stuff you see when you walk into CVS on February 1st. The cheap stuffed animals that bop to the sides while singing. The chocolates disguised in a heart-shaped box with too much wrapping.

That kind of stuff is what makes me truly cringe.

Valentine’s Day puts unrealistic expectations on how love should look.

There’s no rule book for love.

And if there was a rule book, there would be no definition in which love is described as taking someone to dinner, buying them flowers, and worrying about whether or not you’ll be able to afford to eat the next day.

It’s not just about the money, it’s about the expectations.

Everyone’s love looks different. People give and recieve love in different ways. Having grand expectations for a night out with your lover could make you feel like your relationship missed the mark. Especially with everyone posting their lives on social media, there’s a lot of room for comparison.

The love between you and your partner is unique; it’s not defined by a single day or a particular way of expressing it.

Your love life is your own, though. If Valentine’s Day is what you want, go out and enjoy the day with your partner.

But also know that if you want to opt-out of Valentine’s Day, you totally can, and you’re not alone.

Here are a 7 things you can do if you're not down for celebrating Valentine's day: 

1. Hand out valentines

Whether you’re single or in a dating relationship, you can still take part in Valentine’s Day celebrations. Handing out valentines to your friends, classmates, siblings or co-workers can be a lot of fun and a great way to make someone feel good. You can pick up valentines at a local retail store or try making your own with craft supplies. (You could also bake or bring in a special treat to share — cupcakes are always a hit!)

2. Hang out with loved ones

Just because you may not be in a dating relationship, doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate the other positive bonds in your life. Spend some time with your family, friends and anyone else you love to let them know how much you care about them. You could:

• go out for dinner
• host a theme party
• have a sleepover
• go dancing
• play board games
• stay in and relax
• cook a big meal

February 14 can also be a great day to try reconnecting with an old friend. Consider reaching out to someone you’d like to get in touch with again by phone, email or social media.

3. Enjoy being single

Don’t forget — there are many upsides to being single. Firstly, you get to do whatever you want to do on Valentine’s Day. Being single also means you can concentrate on what makes you happy, be more flexible with how you spend your time/money and make all of your own decisions. Take a moment to enjoy the added freedom and independence that comes with being single.

4. Focus on you

Like any other day, February 14 can be a good time to practice self-acceptance, work on your self-esteem and think about being more hopeful. You can make a list of the things you’re good at, what you’re most proud of so far and what your goals are. Doing these activities can help you improve your relationship with yourself and remind you that it’s OK to be single. Be kind to yourself!

5. Treat yourself

Is there a better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day than to do something you love? Here’s some inspiration to get you thinking about how you’d like to spend the day:

• watch your favourite movie/TV show
• read a good book
• take a bubble bath
• shop for something you’ve been saving for
• indulge in your favourite food
• take a day trip to your favourite place
• write in a journal
• paint or draw
• dance to your favourite album

6. Remember, it’s just another day

Everyone has different opinions on (and preferred ways to spend) Valentine’s Day. Some people are more into celebrating it than others. It may help you to remember that February 14 is just another 24 hours that will come and go. You don’t have to participate in the festivities if you don’t want to — it’s OK to maintain your regular routine as if it’s any other day.

7. Get support

If you’re feeling really down on Valentine’s Day (or any other day of the year), it’s important to get support. Talking about things can help — you can reach out to a friend, relative, counsellor or teacher. You can also contact a Kids Help Phone counsellor 24/7 at 1-800-668-6868.

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about dating relationships. Celebrating the other loving relationships in your life, especially the one with yourself, is a great way to spend February 14.