When your ex calls

You're sitting at home minding your own business, doing things with your life, enjoying your time then out of nowhere your phone rings, who is it? Your ex!!
They haven't called you in such a long time you can't remember the last time you saw their name show up on your caller ID. You look at your phone stunned, not knowing what to do. Do you answer? Do you let it go to voice mail and block their number? Do you pick it up?

You decide to pick it up, curiosity got the better of you. Good job.

You say "Hello" with a confused tone of voice, soon as he says hello back, it hits you like a brick wall, that voice you knew so long ago. A voice that was able to make your heart skip a beat. That voice that made your heart flutter. That voice you once loved dearly. Now, when you hear it your heart flutters in a different way, in a nervous way. Why is he calling? Did something happen to someone? Does he want you back? Is he sick or hurt? WTF?!

So your first sentence to him is, "Why are you calling?" He seems a bit nervous, he should be I mean, why is he calling you after so long of ghosting you? He starts with small talk, asking how you are, what you've been doing, how the family is, etc... You're not amused by his small talk and get right back to the point, "Why are you calling?"

He tells you he's been thinking about you non-stop, wants to see you, wants another chance. That he made a huge mistake when you broke up. You give him dead air on the line. Listening in utter confusion and dismay. Nope. You know he's only calling and wants you back because he's lonely and it didn't work out with whatever hoe he had not too long ago.

You do your very best to be as polite as you can and blow him off gently. Telling him your life is very busy, that you have too much going on, etc... He doesn't fall for it and won't take NO for an answer.

Now you get a bit more stern, telling him how the breakup made you feel, how long it took you to recover from it and that you really don't think trying again would make a shit bit of a difference. If it didn't work the first time around, why would it be any different a second time?

He tries to tell you how much he's changed, how he's missed you this whole time you've been apart, how every girl he's been with since you have reminded him of you and that he's only in love with you. You sit there listening to the garbage spewing out of his mouth. You can picture a garbage truck dumping loads of garbage into a pile but his face is the truck. You're not falling for his shit this time around.

You've tried the polite way, you've tried the stern way. Neither of those worked so now you're going to have to be straight forward, blunt and rude. Why does he make you do this? Why can't he just take NO for an answer? He can't be that lonely, can he? He doesn't actually mean what he says, does he? You're doubting your gut, don't do that! Listen to your gut, it hasn't lied to you yet. Don't fall for his shit. Don't go back for seconds, he'll just leave you again, he'll just treat you the same way he did before. You're NOT second best, you ARE the best.

You clear your throat and tell him that you're not falling for it. That you know he was just with some hoe last week. Your mutual friends still tell you everything even though you want to know nothing. You know that he's been sleeping around and you're not down to get whatever he's got. Not a chance!
You tell him that you're much better off since the breakup, that you've been doing amazing things, seeing amazing people and you don't need him in your life anymore. You tell him you're sorry for being rude but, he wasn't getting the point when you said it before.

Out of pitty, you offer a coffee date. It's the best you can muster up for him. He knows it's pitty and doesn't take the offer. Now his ego is hurt and he starts to get rude, saying that he just wanted a booty call, hasn't really been thinking of you and so on...

You bust out laughing your ass off at him.

Your more laughing at the stupidity of the call, at him thinking that you'd fall for his bullshit. You're not so much laughing at him but at the whole stupid situation.


Why would he think after so long you'd just say, "oh yes, I love you too, I've missed you too and want you back!" WTF?! Seriously?! Did he really picture you saying that in his narrow mind? He gets even more angry that you're now laughing and hangs up the phone.

You know your mutual friends will be sending you Facebook messages and texts asking you what the hell happened and asking you why you were so abrasive with him and you'll be honest, you'll tell them the truth of the matter because, that's what you've done all along; told the truth and moved on with your life, making it a better, happier life. You're not about to let his phone call throw you off track or bother you. You're going to do what you do best, LOVE yourself and keep doing you!