Fuck this shit Tuesday!!!

                             Fuck this shit Tuesday!! 

Here I am again today in so much pain I can't stand it. My back has been so sore again today I just want to crawl into bed and hide. Of course, I can't do that however, I've had to do a bunch of things today for my family. I've had to pay some bills and rent, get groceries, get other things I needed for the house and pets, and soon, I'll be going for coffee with my Aunt. 

My doctor is really pissing me off. He doesn't listen to me when I tell him my pain is really bad. He just keeps feeding me all these different kinds of medications and doesn't check to see what's going on with my back. This has been ongoing for years now. You'd think that if I have been complaining for years, they'd do something. But no, let's leave me in pain to the point where I sit, it hurts, if I lay down it hurts, hurts, if I stand it hurts...  IT ALWAYS HURTS!!!! 

My doctor has given me so many different medications it's crazy. Now I am trying Robax and Tylenol #'1s and bath salts in my bath and Voltarin cream. Guess what, this does really help much at all. The doctor even gave me Tylenol #3's and those did nothing. I think it's time this doctor took me a lot more seriously and did something about this pain. I can't stand this much longer. 

I don't know if the pain is from my diabetes or because when I had my oldest son the doctors gave me TWO epidurals during birth or a combination of both. Either way, they need to fix my pain. 

Lately my pain has been so bad that I don't want to go out much, unless I really have to. Like tomorrow, I'm supposed to go to the city to get groceries, I'm not going to go. My daughter is going with a friend of ours instead with a list. I can't sit in the car for over and hour there, do the shopping, sit in the car for over an hour back... it's too painful. 

It makes me angry that I am unable to do normal things I should be able to do everyday without having to be in pain. If I vacuum my bedroom or do laundry, my back is so sore I have to sit down. Even sitting here now, at my computer chair is painful. I can't enjoy doing everyday things. 

I just want to yell FUCK YOU to my doctor for not listening and not helping me, but of course I won't, that won't get me anywhere and for sure won't get him to take me seriously or help me. So, instead, I'll sit here and suffer, in pain, daily, nightly... FUCK!! 

I guess I'll have to call the clinic tomorrow and make an appointment with my doctor yet again, to see what he can do about this pain... probably fuck all, as usual. I'm going to take my daughter with me this time so she can vouch for the pain I'm in... (she's 21), maybe he will listen to two people over one person. Who knows. Maybe I need to be more forceful. Who knows. Maybe, I'll have to take CBD oil, apparently that shit does wonders for other people... WHO FUCKING KNOWS!!! I'm not someone who touches any kind of drugs, only medications. I don't drink either, because I can't, from all my medications. 

I don't know why I try.